Being a Psychologist for more than two decades I found some strange truths that affect the ‘Children-Parents‘ relationship. Be it positive or it negative the main cause for the attitude of any children is mostly affected by parents. You will never believe that out of 100 children at least a 90, are affected psychologically by the parents only!!
I observed the bitter truth in thousands of cases. For example, if a child is not efficient at mathematics you can doubt that it should be caused by one of his/her parent. Might be in her/his tender age the parent must have behaved roughly for teaching the maths. ( In 5% cases affected by teachers, the rest 5% by others) Result would be, the child will hate maths, as well as the parent in due course in a subtle way. When the harshness comes from the parent for first time, a child usually shatters to great extent. His/her hopes and expectations are suddenly collapsing and seems all the securities are being withdrawn for some ‘conditional-clause’ from his/her beloveds.
Be it any thing, manners, etiquette, teachings, bargains for material things to demand a child for a bit more challenging tasks/academic marks, are forcing a child to push in solitude and in a kind of darkness. Evaluating the pleasure and pain, if the pain of a particular child is more in comparison with that of pleasure he/she accumulates from the life, the ratio of trauma in the child is increased in same proportion.
That’s why we see different types of children, with various traits, characters and behaviors, though born/brought up in the same house/conditions. Any single or simple incident may affect a child (negatively or positively) or may not affect at all. In my experience, I do not know how/when/why a single/simple incident affects so much a child and why it leaves a lasting impression in his/her sub-conscious mind and grow her/him inferior or slower than other children.
Some times, when they grow older they will have to vent out their pressure stored up in them, so they become more violent, revengeful, angrier and show their negative emotions in every subtle/direct ways upon the society, more particularly on their parent. In my opinion the violence imposed upon children throughout the world is simply unimaginable than on any particular sect or community. Because, children have no representation for their own as with any other segments in the globe.
Just refer this site: http://goo.gl/F0NV8z
The good news is, we can remove out those revengeful feelings or pain from their inner sub-conscious mind completely !!
Yet, prevention is better than cure.
Yes! As a good father of four children and an inner-mind Yozen Therapist I should tell you here a few important things to young parents.
1. Never be too smart to boast yourself with your child. Don’t ever get pride to say, “I was a Champion, I was a Gold medalist” that and this to demolish his/her urge to fly high.
2. Don’t be a teacher to teach-on forever. Be just a mother or father and give him/her some space and time to grow by himself. Plants grow without anyone’s hindrance in the forests. Gardeners never talk incessantly with the plants and trees but simply look after their needs. That’s it.
3. Cut off your incessant talking/advising to your children. Advise should be like a salt in the food and the salt can never be a food!!
4. Show your love “in action”. Not in mere lifeless words or buying for him tons of electronic gadgets and comforts.
5. Just encourage him/her, assist him, support to grow well. Tell him your experiences good or bad in a normal sense and in a normal time in a casual way. Never keep any intention in it!!
6. Love him/her unconditionally. Which means never put conditions for his legitimate requests, equating for his/her good academic marks, nor demanding for any comparative demands. It is childish to bargain with your child as you do in a market place.
7. Only your Love and affection will raise him/her to a significant height, not your incessant advises ever!
Note: There are many books available for parents as how to raise up a child. Please refer to this site and pick your choice: http://goo.gl/x3C6aT
13th August 2014